Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities in the world. What are your opinions on this?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2033
Question:
Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities in the world. What are your opinions on this?
Answer 1
Based on the research, violent games are much more popular than before for various reasons. However, games played in childhood are just one causative factor out of many...

An increasing trend in crimes and violence is due to many reasons, and further, these may change depending on the part of the world...

However, when children are exposed to such games early in life, they tend to be sensitized to violence and try to imitate their heroes in the games...

In conclusion, every city has to concentrate on other aspects of preventing crimes instead of attributing to the games...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words23512452%
Top 300 Words117 (49%)40 (32%)34%
300 - 1000 Words41 (17%)31 (25%)75%
Over 1000 Words77 (32%)53 (42%)68%
Other Comments (moushumishema)
Link Words: 18 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 14; Average Length: 104 characters; Words/Sentence: 16
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has games(7), are(7), and(7), crimes(5), violence(4), for(3), rates(3); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Answer 2
Nowadays, most children regularly play games on a computer or a television. These games have become more violent over the past few years...

First, it may help to look back at the games that children used to play many years ago before the invention of computers...

However, throughout history, children have always played fighting games with toys or pretend weapons...

In conclusion, how children play games has changed with the times, but the ideas behind those games have changed very little...
Band: 6
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