Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2034
Question:
Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this?
Answer 1
Smoking is an expensive habit that pollutes the environment and carries serious health risks, yet a third of the men in the world smoke...

These statistics are particularly depressing because the link between smoking and cancer, heart disease, and other serious illnesses has been known for many years...

So why, despite all the evidence, do people still smoke. The obvious answer is that cigarettes are highly addictive, so it can be challenging to give up...

In conclusion, let's do everything possible to reduce the number of smokers in society. However, it is not enough to provide information about health risks...
Band: 6.5
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Answer 2
Cigarette smoking is one of the critical health concerns in most of the countries. Despite knowing its horrible consequences, a few people are still addicted to this habit...

Every year, millions of dollars are spent on medical expenditures to cure diseases that occur due to cigarette smoking...

To overcome this issue, various measures can be taken. Firstly, advertisements on cigarettes should be banned, and more advertisements on the harmful effects of cigarettes should be shown on television...

In conclusion, the government and society should make a significant effort to overcome this severe issue...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words26613550%
Top 300 Words129 (48%)48 (35%)37%
300 - 1000 Words42 (15%)29 (21%)69%
Over 1000 Words95 (35%)58 (42%)61%
Other Comments (lranaeconi)
Link Words: 10 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 17; Average Length: 96 characters; Words/Sentence: 15
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The introduction isn't strong enough, try to enhance it.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has this(7), should(7), cigarette(5), smoking(5), are(4), and(4), smokers(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.