Modern children are suffering from diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2045
Question:
Modern children are suffering from diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?
Answer 1
In recent decades, obesity has been considered one of the significant problems for adults only. Now, it has been frequently diagnosed in children...

The first cause of obesity is an unhealthy diet. Children are often fond of junk food and soft drinks...

The second cause of obesity is the sedentary lifestyle. The advancement of technology has dramatically changed the lifestyle of young individuals...

In conclusion, an unhealthy diet and an inactive lifestyle are the major contributors to the increasing amount overweight children...
Band: 7.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words30615751%
Top 300 Words145 (47%)43 (27%)29%
300 - 1000 Words56 (18%)38 (24%)67%
Over 1000 Words105 (34%)76 (48%)72%
Other Comments (hansfoury)
Link Words: 25 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 18; Average Length: 107 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(15), children(9), are(7), foods(7), this(6), unhealthy(5), has(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Answer 2
Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight children and adults is a worldwide health issue. Obesity is a significant problem which is increasing day by day in school-going children...

The first cause of obesity is junk food. It is often seen that children are primarily fond of burgers, pizzas, noodles, and coke...

The second cause of obesity is a sedentary lifestyle. The use of computers and television is indeed increasing in children...

To sum up, it is clear that the leading causes of obesity are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activity...
Band: 6.5
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