IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: People believe that the government should financially support retired people, others believe that retired people should care for themselves. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200214
TOPIC: People believe that the government should financially support retired people, others believe that retired people should care for themselves. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that the expenditure of greying society has become a debatable issue for all over the world. Some people believe that higher authority should be responsible after retirement age, whereas opponents argue that people should be accountable for themselves. Although in my view, the civic body has to ...
By jarry, 2020-04-15  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 478
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PEOPLE(17) THAT(13) FOR(12); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Writing is ok, but the reasoning has a logic bug. The question is about "retired people", not about those who once served the country. So some support points miss the focus.
Answer 2
It was said that money is not God but not more than God. Some people said that the government should support the retired people both medical and financial although, others think that they have to care for themselves. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence why the government ...
By Anita, 2020-02-25  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 251
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PEOPLE(10) GOVERNMENT(9) HELP(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Try to add another supporting paragraph. Rewrite the conclusion.