TOPIC: Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
It is irrefutable that music is an indispensable part of everyone's life; it starts our birth and continuous till at death. Numerous people believe that it is only a way of entertainment. In contrast, opponents argue that it is attached to the individual soul, and it is a way of meditation and adoration. I will not ...
Total words: 473
- The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
- The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(19) MUSIC(16) PEOPLE(14); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
- Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Paragraph 3 seems too plain, try to polish it.
- Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 1>.
Nice essay. The question is relatively easy to write. If you show own view at the beginning clearly, and then combine own experiences to support, it may impress readers deeper.