IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200304
TOPIC: Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that music is an indispensable part of everyone's life; it starts our birth and continuous till at death. Numerous people believe that it is only a way of entertainment. In contrast, opponents argue that it is attached to the individual soul, and it is a way of meditation and adoration. I will not ...
By jarry, 2020-04-11  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 473
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(19) MUSIC(16) PEOPLE(14); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Paragraph 3 seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Nice essay. The question is relatively easy to write. If you show own view at the beginning clearly, and then combine own experiences to support, it may impress readers deeper.