IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Does everyone need to study until eighteen? Give your opinion and describe it.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200313
TOPIC: Does everyone need to study until eighteen? Give your opinion and describe it.
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that education is a very pivotal weapon of the individual life and open the door thousands of opportunities for them. Some people advocate that every people get knowledge at least eighteen years age. I think it is fruitful for both demos and nation. I will not only elaborate on this notion but also ...
By jarry, 2020-03-22  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 482
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PEOPLE(19) EDUCATION(12) AND(10); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Paragraph 2 seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
The essay is ok, although there are some small errors. But, it doesn't meet with the question well, which is about teenagers and study. The essay talks on nation and education.
Answer 2
It has been noticed that in most of the countries, students should study until they are eighteen. In my opinion, it is compulsory for a student can gain professional skills through study.
On the one hand, consistently learning can help students become much more successful. In most of the country, students must ...
By Siiiiilvia, 2020-04-23  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 348
AI Comment:
  • The introduction isn't strong enough, suggest to enhance it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THEY(13) STUDENTS(9) FOR(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 6.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Good essay. The logic has a small defect: "Nurse" training is still a type of education. Besides, don't need to use "Chinese ... HUAWEI", as we never say "America Apple". You should show an international view in IELTS writing.
Answer 3
This statement says Everyone needs to study until eighteen. In my opinion I entirely agree with this statement, As I think education is a fundamental right to all and everyone should get a chance of proper education. This essay will discuss why this is necessary.
Today the world is moving fast and changing every day ...
Total words: 297
AI Comment:
  • You had better rewrite the essay to 4 or 5 paragraphs.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has EDUCATION(18) AND(11) THIS(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Refine your reasoning, an actual person example may enhance your view easily. The connection between "government's law" and "necessity" isn't very strong.