IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200617
Question:
Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
Telecommunication has become a crucial part of sharing information, and people have come closer due to this technology. A plethora of masses argues that communication on cell phones should be prohibited in public and crowded places. Conversely, others esteemed that telecommunication should be allowed in social areas. I ...
By AKB, 2020-08-15  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 344
Band: 5.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The ideas presented are not always developed and or relevant, the second paragraph is too long and off the topics (privacy and convenience) a little.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical errors, such as article (a, an, the).
- Help Link1, Help Link2