IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200711
TOPIC: Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
People have different views regarding whether sports play a prominent role in society or it's just a hobby for society. Although a section of society lays emphasis on the fact that sports are important to maintain well being and to stay fit, others assert that sports are their favorite leisure activity. However, I ...
By Nav, 2020-07-11  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 456
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THEIR(12) AND(12) SPORTS(11); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 7.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
The response is good in both logic and structure, but it too long to write in the real exam scenario, you should shrink it somehow.
Answer 2
Some individuals argue that sports games play a significant role in the development of the community, while others think that sports games should be played as leisure activities. I strongly believe that sports are essential in developing the community.
On the one hand, some individuals claim that sports games should ...
By sun, 2020-07-25  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 279
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has SPORTS(13) THAT(6) GAMES(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 8.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-The range of lexis isn't generally adequate and appropriate.
- Help Link
Answer 3
A hobby to some and career to others, sports are an integral part of life. Humans feel immense gratification while partaking in activities that destress them, playing sports games being one of them. I believe playing sports is paramount for society and not merely for leisure activity. It supports economic growth by ...
By tania , 2020-07-19  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 274
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-Off-topic a little, the raters may doubt the essay is memorized, please prepare topics (not essays) in advance.
- Help Link1, Help Link2
-You should present views from two sides by the question, then give your position.