IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think the government should not spend on international aid because there are disadvantaged people in their country, such as the unemployed and homeless. Do you agree or disagree?

 Actions
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200724
TOPIC: Some people think the government should not spend on international aid because there are disadvantaged people in their country, such as the unemployed and homeless. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
It has been argued that governments should stop sending aids overseas and dedicate their resources to help poor people in their own countries. However, I disagree with this point of view, as I believe that foreign aids play a vital role in international relationship and diplomacy, as well as poverty relief.
First ...
By dsllrtnngtg, 2020-07-27  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 298
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(12) COUNTRIES(9) AIDS(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generlly arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation, but there are rather too many errors for a higher band here.
-You should select words by political correctness, avoid words like "poor countries", you are taking an internationalized test.
Answer 2
Some people believe the government should not spend on foreign aid due to underprivileged people in their country. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement because providing assistance to destitute countries throw a positive influence on foreign relations.
Economic crises are now a major threat globally. ...
By AH, 2020-07-27  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 253
AI Comment:
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-The variety of structures would suggest Band 6 on Grammar, but the errors sometimes impede communication.
- Help Link
Answer 3
I believe that governments should provide international aid while simultaneously being able to assist disadvantaged people in their own country. It all comes down to management and how the government separates two problems (national and international) fairly.
From a socialist's perspective, if a country is well ...
By Amorist, 2020-07-30  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 305
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THAT(12) SHOULD(8) AID(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-The question is based on "international aid," you left the topic a little far in "emergence aid."
-The example (earthquake) isn'tĀ persuasive here
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, with some simple cohesive devices, but sometimes used inaccurately.
- Help Link
Answer 4
In the modern era, many parts of the world are supporting diverse ways to tackle many issues in developing nations, but some believe that those countries should think about their own unemployed and homeless people first rather than providing aid internationally.
To begin with, there are several facts why many ...
By vaimik, 2020-08-05  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 249
AI Comment:
  • The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-Don't express a clear position in the whole essay.
Task Response:
-You need to put forward reasons for why you agree with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-There are some errors in the use of cohesive devices.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-The range of lexis isn't generally adequate and appropriate.
- Help Link
Answer 5
While international communities are attempting to help developing countries with cooperation and support, some people have the reservation of helping foreign nations rather than the marginalized in a country. In my opinion, governments should spend less on global aid and focus more on domestic issues.
To begin with ...
By st, 2020-09-22  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 296
AI Comment:
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has COUNTRY(9) COUNTRIES(7) AND(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok, but if you choose "other side - more political correctness", it's easier to write.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Some sentences are wordy or too long to understand.Use too many passive voice sentences. These errors hurt the score very much.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-The variety of structures would suggest Band 6 on Grammar, but the errors sometimes impede communication.