IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200806
TOPIC: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Answer 1
Education and experience are different levels of knowledge gaining steps. It is very wise and interesting to make young people work after high school. I see this mostly happens in almost all countries over the world, which can occur in different situations or stages in a person's life.
Working after high school is ...
By Nirmala, 2020-08-07  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 390
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The introduction isn't strong enough, suggest to enhance it.
  • Paragraph 1 is relatively short, enrich it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(11) THIS(5) WILL(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-Off-topic a little, the raters may doubt the essay is memorized, please prepare topics (not essays) in advance.
- Help Link1, Help Link2
Task Response:
-Only partially address the prompt, you missed the "disadvantages"
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident; however, the answer lacks contextualization, and cohesion within sentences is sometimes faulty.
- Help Link
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical errors are frequent, such as nouns (singular, plural).
- Help Link1, Help Link2
Answer 2
Most of the countries encourage youths to work or explore for a year before starting their higher studies. Nowadays, after schooling, students get enough time to make a schedule for their future, apart from that the best way to enhance themselves is travelling to different parts of the country and also at the same time ...
By swathi, 2020-08-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 288
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THEIR(11) FOR(8) THEY(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok, but the ideas for disadvantages is limited.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generlly arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task, try to enhance IELTS vocabulary.
- Help Link
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although wordy, they rarely reduce communication.