IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals. To what extent do you think crime is determined by human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be ...

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200815
TOPIC: Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals. To what extent do you think crime is determined by human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?
Answer 1
A person would resort to crime according to their circumstances rather than their personality. I believe that human nature does not influence the probability of them becoming a criminal; rather, it must be an external factor causing them to commit a crime. So it is possible to stop children from growing up to be ...
By tan, 2020-08-18  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 344
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(10) THAT(7) FOR(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7
Task Response:
-This is a well-organized essay, presenting ideas on both sides, developing these ideas effectively throughout the response.
-The solution part can be enhanced.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-There is a clear overall progression in the response, but somewhat mechanically.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences and good control over grammar and punctuation.
Answer 2
Nowadays, it is a common belief within the scientific field that a person's potential to be a criminal can be determined in their childhood. However, I think that external factors are more pivotal to one's development into a criminal. Thus, intensive care for children should be provided by the government and parents to ...
By sy, 2020-09-16  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 367
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(14) THEIR(13) LIFE(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 6.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Task Response:
-Some ideas aren't relevant. The second paragraph has left the key "human nature," and the "stop" solution is too weak. These defects limited a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.
Answer 3
Certainly, it is irresistible that the crime rate is booming nowadays. Mostly, scientist asserts that they are capable of doing study the infant's nature as they will become a criminal. I firmly disagree that crime relies on human behavior. In the looming paragraphs, I shall discuss the factors and give some solutions ...
By greena, 2020-08-22  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 320
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THEY(10) THAT(8) CRIMINAL(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented too, but the second paragraph needs to rephrase.
-The example of "India" isn't persuasive here, consider other way to support your view.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.
Answer 4
Destiny can not be predicted according to science and technology. According to myriad researchers, investigation of the demeanour of a three year infant could be occured to witness even if they will raised to be offended. I slightly agree with the deliberation of criminality by an individual's character. Toddlers can ...
By HT, 2020-09-11  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 288
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 12.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, with some simple cohesive devices, but sometimes used inaccurately.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-Some spelling errors are noted; the essay's vocabulary is too plain.
- Help Link
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Use a variety of complex structures, but the writing lacks grammatical control.
- Help Link