TOPIC: It is believed that secondary school children should study international news as one of their school subjects. Others think that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
In this globalizing world, some people think that international issues should be taught in high schools, while others believe that it would not worth the time for children to study such a subject at school. As far as I am concerned, global issues should be incorporated into central subjects at high school so as to ...
Total words: 393
- The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(12) THEIR(9) INTERNATIONAL(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
- Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 4>.
-The prompt is not fully addressed, there is an attempt to discuss some benefits and disadvantages, but ideas for disadvantages are limited. By the question, you should discuss both views equally, then give own point.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generally arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression, but some places seem wordy.
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and it shows an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.