IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: People continue to commit crimes even after being punished. Why does this happen? How can crime be prevented?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2201107
TOPIC: People continue to commit crimes even after being punished. Why does this happen? How can crime be prevented?
Answer 1
People believe that the majority of offenders restart crime even they have to spend time in prison. There are umpteen reasons behind this notion. This essay will discuss the reason and take some measures to ameliorate this problem in the upcoming paragraphs.
Undoubtedly, the predominant cause behind this issue is ...
By jarry , 2020-11-09  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 368
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THAT(10) AND(9) THEY(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-There is a good range of vocabulary, and there are some less common words and phrases. However, sentences and logics aren't fluent enough to get a higher score.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.
Answer 2
Many offenders keep on committing various crimes for various reasons, even being rehabilitated. I will further elaborate on the causes and provide possible solutions in the following paragraphs.
First of all, the ubiquity of action films is one of the culprits of this development. Deeply influenced by assaulting, ...
By chouray, 2020-11-13  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 287
AI Comment:
  • The introduction isn't strong enough, suggest to enhance it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 5.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a clear position is presented throughout the response, but the logic and reasoning have room to refine.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and it shows an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a wide range of structures, these are used flexibly; however, there are occasional errors.
Answer 3
Even after being released from prison, a few people continue to do unlawful acts. Poverty is seen as the main reason for this, and job opportunities could help alleviate this problem.
Most prisoners come from the lower class of society. According to an article from Time Magazine, researches show that the crime rate ...
By Andy, 2020-11-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 284
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Task Response:
-The prompt is not fully addressed, there is an attempt to discuss the cause, but ideas are limited. Its reasoning should be enhanced.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and it shows an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are a few errors in grammatical control.
Answer 4
Nowadays, the number of people arrested steadily growing up, wherein more than half of them already have a criminal record. Jail not only does not change prisoners' views but also degrades prisoners' social abilities. After arrest, there are no choices, and are forced to commit a crime a second time. The best way to ...
By kuba, 2020-11-10  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 288
AI Comment:
  • The introduction seems long, refine sentences.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has JAIL(8) CRIME(7) NOT(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt.,
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident; however, the answer lacks contextualization, and cohesion within sentences is sometimes faulty.
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Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task, try to enhance IELTS vocabulary.
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Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There are attempts to produce complex structures, but these usually contain errors.
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