IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Competitiveness is regarded as a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2201112
TOPIC: Competitiveness is regarded as a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Answer 1
Many people believe that competition is of utmost significance in individual life, which would be arduous for people to succeed. It is the duty of people to understand the difference between competitiveness and cooperation. In my opinion, it is more positive but some negative trend for folks.
Undoubtedly, ...
By jarry , 2020-11-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 381
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PEOPLE(10) NOT(7) WITH(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 0.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a clear position is presented throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
The vocabulary range is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation, but there are rather too many errors or wordy expressions for a higher band here.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a wide range of structures. These are used flexibly; however, there are errors in punctuation and capitalization.
Answer 2
Amongst the significant issue of contemporary society is desperately struggling with a high rate of competitiveness, which has various impacts on society and has direct attention of the government and society to itself. Though the officials claimed that it has a positive effect on personal development, in my ...
By Farhad, 2020-11-17  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 289
AI Comment:
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-Off-topic a little, it's for "affect individuals." The raters may doubt the essay is memorized, please prepare topics (not essays) in advance.
- Help Link1, Help Link2
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Some cohesive devices are used effectively, while others are faulty.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-The variety of structures would suggest Band 6 on Grammar, but the errors sometimes impede communication.
- Help Link