Some people believe that educational qualifications always bring success, while others disagree

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7014
Question:
Some people believe that educational qualifications always bring success, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
Although some consider that individuals can become successful after obtaining a professional degree, opponents hold different perspectives...

The primary reason for this judgment is that often, higher degree holders seem to be in higher positions, such as Dr...

On the contrary, there are various examples in the world of famous personalities who did not even attend university and know they are well-known worldwide...

In conclusion, despite people holding different views, I believe being skillful is much more important than going to university to gain accomplishments...
Band: 6
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Answer 2
Some consider that academic background gives great success in life, while others disagree with this opinion and believe other crucial factors exist...

On the one hand, some think higher education is important for finding a good job and well-being. When many industries, such as law and educational institutes, hire people for vacancies, they shortlist the candidates based on their educational qualifications...

On the other hand, others argue that higher education is unnecessary and some other factors bring you success...

To conclude, each individual should have higher education and other factors to succeed...
Band: 5.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words28614048%
Top 300 Words142 (49%)52 (37%)36%
300 - 1000 Words53 (18%)30 (21%)56%
Over 1000 Words91 (31%)58 (41%)63%
Other Comments (iynga)
Link Words: 27 (including link phrase: 3)
Sentences: Number: 14; Average Length: 129 characters; Words/Sentence: 20
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(15), you(9), have(7), educational(6), higher(6), some(5), for(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response's logic and reasoning must be refined. Besides, 'people who have good educational backgrounds are never involved in any crimes' may hurt your score.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task, try to enhance IELTS vocabulary.
- Help Link
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.