During holidays or weekends, young people spend less time on outdoor activities in the natural environment, such as hiking and mountain climbing. Why? What can be done to encourage them to go out?
In line with the shift in time, the way people spend their leisure hours has remarkably altered since the light proliferation of technology. Formerly, young people were fond of spending their weekends and holidays on outdoor activities like hiking or mountain climbing. However, today's youths are no longer keen on ...
Total words: 304
Band: 7The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-Ideas relating to each sector mentioned in the prompt are presented, but there is not much development of some.Coherence and Cohesion:
-A range of cohesive devices is used flexibly, while each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed.Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, but the use of informal expressions is not appropriate in this type of response.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.
Outdoor activities are claimed to be less popular among the modern youngsters, which in my perspective has many origins, directly linking to the modern lifestyle and well-developed entertainment industry. Nevertheless, some solutions could be adapted to address this knotty problem from the entertainment corporations ...
Total words: 348
Band: 6.5The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt, but but some sentences seem wordy and not in the style that academic writing should be in.Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.
In this day and age, young adults like to devote barely any time doing outdoor pastime in the natural surroundings, namely trekking trips and mountaineering, throughout their leisure and recreation time. Of course, there could be multiple reasons for youngsters to disregard such conditions; however, a few proactive ...
Total words: 257
Band: 6The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-Main ideas are relevant, but some would benefit from further development.Coherence and Cohesion:
-It is an attempt to address the prompt, and some main ideas are put forward, but there is no discussion, espeically of the solutions.Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are a few errors in word choice.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.