Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7055
Question:
Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
This topic is specified to unhealthy food by scientifically proven. You can choose either side to write. Agree is easier to develop your view.

Agree
  • Prohibit selling unhealthy foods.
  • Force businesses not to produce unhealthy foods.
  • People can get these foods from stores.
  • Reduce health problems; it's is good for consumers.
Disagree
  • People have less chance to enjoy delicious food.
  • Life is less fun, and some dietary traditions will disappear.
  • People have the right to choose various foods, even not very healthy.
  • Fast food and instant food are cheaper and meet some peoples' needs.
  • Enough food is also essential for basic health.
Answer 1
An increasing tendency has recently been observed to sell unhealthy edible items in stores. I think the shops should not be authorized to sell unhealthy food and drinks because of the issues for the people and the governments...

To begin with, people do not possess sufficient knowledge to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy food items...

Furthermore, unhealthy people put a strain on government budgets. The governments often have limited resources to manage all the country's sectors...

The above evidence proves that allowing shops to sell unhealthy items to consumers can increase health issues...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words28413647%
Top 300 Words127 (44%)43 (31%)33%
300 - 1000 Words45 (15%)28 (20%)62%
Over 1000 Words112 (39%)65 (47%)58%
Other Comments (jeaseemorwell)
Link Words: 19 (including link phrase: 5)
Sentences: Number: 16; Average Length: 113 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has health(8), people(6), unhealthy(5), and(5), governments(5), items(4), not(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Task Response:
-Ideas are usually expressed fully, but the first point needs more support.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though mechanically.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, showing an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a fair degree of accuracy.