In some countries, older people who retire from work spend the money on themselves rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7061
Question:
In some countries, older people who retire from work spend the money on themselves (e.g.holiday) rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?
Answer Hints:
Pros and cons topics, you can choose either side. But the "positive" is easier to write.

Positive
  • Older people spend money is good for health.
  • Older people keep independent and active in society.
  • Youth learn to take responsibility for their own life.
Negative
  • Youth cannot rely on the family, which impacts relationships.
  • Young people live under greater pressure to make money.
  • Young people may delay or give up raising the next generation.
Answer 1
When people retire, they often have a substantial amount of money set aside for retirement. In some countries, retirees spend their money on themselves rather than save the money for their children. Though some people believe this is a negative choice, overall, it is a positive development.
The majority of people ...
By Eric Zhang, 2022-02-21  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 286
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported, but you should have clear points to prove "positive development." Like older people have a happy life, and young generation learn to take responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
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Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a fair degree of accuracy.