In some countries, older people who retire from work spend the money on themselves rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?
Question: In some countries, older people who retire from work spend the money on themselves, e.g., holidays, rather than saving money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?
Answer Hints: Pros and cons topics, you can choose either side. But the "positive" is easier to write.
Positive
Older people spend money is good for health.
Older people keep independent and active in society.
Youth learn to take responsibility for their own life.
Negative
Youth cannot rely on the family, which impacts relationships.
Young people live under greater pressure to make money.
Young people may delay or give up raising the next generation.
Answer 1
When people retire, they often have substantial money set aside for retirement. In some countries, retirees spend their money on themselves rather than saving it for their children...
The majority of people work for at least thirty years before finally retiring. I believe they should enjoy the money they have worked hard for and saved for...
Some people argue that because the cost of living is increasing, retirees should save money for their children to help them...
Though I do not think that parents saving for their children is a negative thing, I believe that older people who choose to spend their hard-earned money on themselves are a more positive development overall...
Sentences: Number: 14; Average Length: 117 characters; Words/Sentence: 19
Suggestions: IELTS Essay Format: -You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has their(17), for(12), they(9), money(9), people(8), children(8), and(8); try to decrease duplicated words. -High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some. -Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. -Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response: -The main ideas are extended and supported, but you should have clear points to prove 'positive development.' Older people have happy lives, and the young generation is learning to take responsibility. Coherence and Cohesion: -The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though mechanically. - Help Link Lexical Resources: -Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice. Grammar Range and Accuracy: -There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a fair degree of accuracy.