It's more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7075
Question:
It's more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
It's an agree or disagree question. For political correctness, you had better agree with it. Besides, your examples should be nice for international readers.

Local History
  • Learn one's own history and experience
  • Be familiar with cultural roots
  • Develops a sense of cultural identity.
World History
  • Broaden horizons, learn the history, customs, and culture of different countries
  • Study the achievements of other countries
  • Get along well with people from other countries.
Answer 1
Some think domestic history is more important for schoolchildren than world history. In my opinion, I agree with this view. But I also believe that children learning about stories of other countries will help them understand their own history.
On the one hand, I am in favor of the idea that studying own national ...
By Neya Sha, 2022-06-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 308
Band: 7
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-Ideas relating to each sector mentioned in the prompt are presented, but there is not much development of some; you had better use generic examples for international readers.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few spelling errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.