Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try my essay.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7102
Question:
Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?
Answer Hints:
The question has two keys: 'organized tours' means mass visitors; 'remote places' means few populations and fragile ecosystems. So the answer should be a negative development. If you choose the reverse side, you will be doubted to misunderstand the question or reuse an early essay. Besides, you need to discuss both local people and the environment.

Negative development
  • Mass visitors need tour facilities that damage ecosystems.
  • The travel industry takes local public resources, like traffic and energy.
  • Crowded shops and high prices impact local people's everyday lives.
  • Nature environment, like forest, river, and beach, risks non-recoverable changes.
Supplement
  • The travel industry brings jobs and other economic benefits.
  • Unless most residents agree, plus strict environmental protection, organized tours shouldn't be suitable for remote places.
Answer 1
Organized tours to remote places and communities have become increasingly popular recently. While these tours can benefit the local economy and offer unique cultural experiences to tourists, they can also negatively impact local communities. In my view, it's a negative development for local people and the environment ...
By Postee Shaw, 2023-02-08  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 265
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed, a real example would help this topic very much.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a fair degree of accuracy.