TOPIC: Some people become famous in their early age. Is it bad or good? Discuss and give your opinion.
Nowadays everyone wants to be popular the youngster are not exceptions. Some people believe that contemporary technology is proving a platform to juvenile become famous at an early age. It is worthwhile for them, whereas opponents ponder that it get a negative impact on adolescent personal life. Although it is more ...
Total words: 478
- The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
- The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(15) PEOPLE(10) THEIR(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 3 as start point.
- Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 1>.
Excellent essay, but the conclusion isn't strong. If you give a clear view, agree or disagree, it helps to impress readers more easily.