IELTS General Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people become famous in their early age. Is it bad or good? Discuss and give your opinion.

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4200102
TOPIC: Some people become famous in their early age. Is it bad or good? Discuss and give your opinion.
Answer 1
Nowadays everyone wants to be popular the youngster are not exceptions. Some people believe that contemporary technology is proving a platform to juvenile become famous at an early age. It is worthwhile for them, whereas opponents ponder that it get a negative impact on adolescent personal life. Although it is more ...
By jarry, 2020-03-27  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 478
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(15) PEOPLE(10) THEIR(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 3 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7
Excellent essay, but the conclusion isn't strong. If you give a clear view, agree or disagree, it helps to impress readers more easily.