IELTS General Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4200201
TOPIC: Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.
Answer 1
People are divided into the views whether a juvenile should be upbringing in the joint family, whereas others believe they should grow up in a nuclear family. In my opinion, joint family is more worthwhile for children and his parents as compare to the to live with parents. I will not only elaborate on both ...
By jarry, 2020-03-19  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 474
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has FAMILY(14) THEY(14) AND(12); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7
Excellent essay. Try to emphasize your view "joint family" more, but "weak English of grandparents" isn't a generic example.
Answer 2
As parenting has become a challenge in the modern era, some people believe that parents are responsible for the upbringing of their offspring. Still, relatives should also play a part in children's nurturing. In my opinion, it depends on circumstances, if both parents are working, then a supportive family is a blessing ...
Total words: 319
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 9.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
The reasoning and logic are good, adding one more supporting point will enhance the essay. The original version's grammar errors are a little more, which should be avoided.