IELTS General Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4200216
TOPIC: People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?
Answer 1
In this technological world, it has been seen that people become more dependent on mobile phones and the internet as compare to the past. It is due to the easy availability of networks and a wide variety of services on mobile phone. I think it has brought both positive and negative aspects on individuals and society as ...
By Gurjeet , 2020-02-29  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 322
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 5.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Good job! Try to shrink the 2 supporting paragraphs and add the 3rd point.
Answer 2
It is irrefutable that a mobile phone has become an indispensable part of human being life, and individuals are more reliant on artificial intelligence rather than the person. Some people ponder that there are umpteen numbers of the brighter side of innovation, but we cannot overlook the negative point of using mobile ...
By jarry, 2020-03-04  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 464
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PHONE(12) AND(12) MOBILE(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 7.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Rephrase places of repeated "era". Add one or two more sentences to the conclusion.
Answer 3
In recent years, technology has become a routine usage for human well being, from connecting people worldwide to vast mode of research and education for students.
Looking firstly at the positive impact of the advancement of technology, it can make things easier for working adults as well as for research students. ...
By Avliin , 2020-02-25  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 266
AI Comment:
  • The introduction isn't strong enough, suggest to enhance it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has FOR(9) AND(8) CAN(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
The introduction is too simple, add third supporting point.
Answer 4
The advent of smartphones has led to widespread internet addiction. Although this shift has its conveniences, it signals a decline in healthy activity.
Those who contend that the overall value of phones and the internet is a net positive can easily point to its versatility. The vast majority of people today would ...
By Education , 2020-02-26  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 293
AI Comment:
  • The introduction isn't strong enough, suggest to enhance it.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 9.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
You should enhance the introduction, state your view clearly, refine 2 supporting points, and add third one.
Answer 5
In the present era internet and phone are extensively used all over the world by people of all ages except newborn babies. We start our day looking at our phone and end our day with it too. And the question, it is our dependency on mobile and phone is a positive or negative development is quite valid. I would like to ...
By Shamvabi, 2020-03-03  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 311
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(14) PHONE(8) INTERNET(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 10.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
"Advertently" paragraph should use a better example, no death in any exam. You may add another point to support the positive side.
Answer 6
In the world today, technology has become an essential tool in every day's life. People rely on technical resources more, as compared to other sources of communication. It is due to a fact that, benefits of the internet and phone throw a positive influence on an individual's existence. In this essay, I shall discuss ...
Total words: 257
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 4.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5
You should offer a clear position and pros of it. Writing some sentences is one thing; high marks need those sentences to express or support your idea.