Some people think that hard work helps achieve financial success, while others think it is not the only thing contributing to financial success
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Question:
Some people think that hard work helps achieve financial success, while others think it is not the only thing contributing to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people think that hard work helps achieve financial success, while others think it is not the only thing contributing to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Answer 1
While few individuals believe that hard work helps to become wealthy, others claim that it alone cannot justify the cause of being one...
The first to consider is health. It is no use working hard if you will end up getting sick. What you will gain out of effort will pay your bills in the hospital in the end...
Next is perseverance. This is a quality for those who have great dreams despite the difficulty or discouragement...
The last I can include is encouragement. It is also important to receive a push from the people around us to reach our goal...
Therefore, I conclude that there are other factors more important than hard work in achieving financial success...
The first to consider is health. It is no use working hard if you will end up getting sick. What you will gain out of effort will pay your bills in the hospital in the end...
Next is perseverance. This is a quality for those who have great dreams despite the difficulty or discouragement...
The last I can include is encouragement. It is also important to receive a push from the people around us to reach our goal...
Therefore, I conclude that there are other factors more important than hard work in achieving financial success...
Band: 6.5
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Answer 2
Some claim that the critical ingredient of business success is dogged determination and working hard toward your goal...
Proponents of the first opinion often point to the countless studies supporting the usefulness of working hard in a variety of business contexts...
Nevertheless, despite some tangible arguments listed above, there are more vital elements for business success...
In conclusion, working hard is essential for achieving business success, but not as critical as other personal characteristics like creative thinking and managing and motivating employees well...
Proponents of the first opinion often point to the countless studies supporting the usefulness of working hard in a variety of business contexts...
Nevertheless, despite some tangible arguments listed above, there are more vital elements for business success...
In conclusion, working hard is essential for achieving business success, but not as critical as other personal characteristics like creative thinking and managing and motivating employees well...
Band: 6
Word Statistics
| Group | Word Number | Distinct | Percent |
|---|---|---|---|
| All Words | 268 | 158 | 58% |
| Top 300 Words | 109 (40%) | 40 (25%) | 36% |
| 300 - 1000 Words | 47 (17%) | 33 (20%) | 70% |
| Over 1000 Words | 112 (41%) | 85 (53%) | 75% |
Other Comments (farid)
Link Words: 28 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 143 characters; Words/Sentence: 20
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
-The essay misses the focus on 'financial success'; 'business success' is related but is not the same concept.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are logically organized, and there is a clear progression throughout the response.
Lexical Resources:
-A wide range of vocabulary is used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a fair degree of accuracy.