Some people think that family is the most important influence on young adults

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6684
Question:
Some people think that family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with?
Answer 1
The influence of family versus friends on young adults sparks debate on the various factors shaping individuals' values, beliefs, and behaviors during their formative years...

Some emphasize the unique bond, support, and guidance provided by family members. Family serves as the primary socializing agent during childhood and adolescence, shaping individuals' core values, identity, and worldviews...

Conversely, others highlight the significance of peer relationships, social networks, and peer pressure in shaping attitudes, behaviors, and lifestyle choices...

In conclusion, the debate over whether family or friends are the most important influence on young adults reflects differing perspectives on the significance of familial bonds versus peer relationships in shaping individuals' development...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words27513649%
Top 300 Words86 (31%)24 (17%)27%
300 - 1000 Words61 (22%)30 (22%)49%
Over 1000 Words128 (46%)82 (60%)64%
Other Comments (blurinenkemyi)
Link Words: 27 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 12; Average Length: 168 characters; Words/Sentence: 22
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(22), family(9), friends(6), young(6), adults(6), shaping(4), during(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.