IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think nowadays children have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200118
TOPIC: Some people think nowadays children have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
There is no doubt that twenty-first-century youngsters have more liberty than the previous generation. Although I believe that they have the power of the internet and obtain an abundance of knowledge and find the number of opportunities as compare to old pupils. I agree with this perspective today's generation has more ...
By jarry, 2020-05-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 412
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You had better rewrite the essay to 4 or 5 paragraphs.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(16) HAVE(12) THEIR(11); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 4 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
The essay is ok, although a little wordy. You should focus on "too much freedom", not the internet and study. The "girl" example shouldn't be there.