TOPIC: In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
People are divided into the opinion whether which sector government should allocate the fund. Some people opine that instead of wasting money on arts, the civic body should dive funds into the betterment of the other sector, such as education and medical services. Although I believe that both areas have their ...
Total words: 476
- The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
- The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(14) THAT(9) PEOPLE(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
- Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 0>.
The reasoning has some defects. For governments, Education and health are actually much important than Arts. So the essay is difficult to convince readers.