IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects, while others believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200202
TOPIC: Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects, while others believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Answer 1
Over the past few decades, societies at large have witnessed tremendous growth, and revolutionary changes have been the cornerstone of this multifaceted progress. It may not be a hyperbole to state that the Television and its widespread usage has been a core element and inviolable subset of this matrix of development. ...
By DSJ, 2020-02-25  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 409
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THAT(14) TELEVISION(10) AND(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7.5
Too long, shrink it 10%. It's better to state your view in the introduction clearly.
Answer 2
It is irrefutable that technology has brought the revolution in individual life television is one of them. Still, some people ponder that they get an adverse impact on the juvenile mind and psychology. Although I believe that watching television has a brighter side than the drawback, I will not only elaborate on the ...
By jarry, 2020-05-15  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 417
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You had better rewrite the essay to 4 or 5 paragraphs.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has TELEVISION(15) THAT(11) JUVENILE(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 4 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 0.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7
Excellent essay. Its logic and examples are very good for your view.