IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some parents spend a little free time with their children today. Why is this? Who do you think this affects more, parents or children?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200516
TOPIC: Some parents spend a little free time with their children today. Why is this? Who do you think this affects more, parents or children?
Answer 1
In the present scenario, every parent has busy earning bread and butter for their family and less time interacting with their child. Some people believe that it gets an adverse impact on the child's mind if parents spend short with him /her. Although I also consider that parents play a significant role in teenage life, ...
By jarry , 2020-05-26  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 387
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(14) TIME(12) WITH(10); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 1.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
The question is about "reason" and "effect", your conclusion didn't on it. You should polish the essay like academic writing. E.g, multiple "these days", informal "quality of time" should be rephrased.
Answer 2
When it is about raising their children, one of the biggest problems that a lot of parents have is the fact that they don't spend enough free time with their kids, probably due to extended work hours or the way that some modern parents believe is correct to raise their kids. Whatever the reason is behind this problem, ...
By Diana, 2020-05-26  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 355
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • The introduction seems long, refine sentences.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THEIR(10) THAT(10) PARENTS(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Response to the question well, but have too many grammar and spelling errors. Some sentences are too long, they earn little credit but bring huge risk. Besides, use formal language as possible, e.g., children, not kids.
Answer 3
Some parents nowadays spend little free time with their children because of many reasons. A number of these reasons are valid, and parents don't have much choice, and I think this has affected children's way of life, personality, and health.
One of the prominent reasons why there's less free time is the workload of ...
Total words: 300
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 7.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
The question's key is to prove "child is impacted more". You may remove the paragraph of "teenage pregnancy", which helps little, and focus on the key point.