IELTS Academic Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports is better like tennis and swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2200829
TOPIC: Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports is better like tennis and swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
Gone are those days when sports were not appreciated among the masses, but now they have gained immense popularity among the people. However, some people have a school of thought that takes participation in team sports is far more advantageous compare to individuals, whereas others have a contrasting view. I will ...
By Noaman Faruki, 2020-09-08  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 302
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 6.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Task Response:
-The logic and reasoning look good, but some sentences seem wordy and not in the style that academic writing should be in.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generlly arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Some grammatical errors. You need to enhance grammar, such as article (a, an, the).
- Help Link1, Help Link2
Answer 2
Playing outdoor games is considered as a good exercise for muscles. Some individuals perceive that term sports like football and other games are more beneficial than individual sports. In contrast, others deem that playing individual games such as tennis and swimming is good. Before going to my opinion, I will discuss ...
By DATT, 2020-09-01  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 323
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has SPORTS(10) ARE(7) GAMES(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 6.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok, but shouldn't confuse "team sport" and "outdoor sport"
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, with some simple cohesive devices, but sometimes used inaccurately.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-Errors occur in word choice, word formation, and spelling, like "term"
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Use a variety of complex structures, but the writing lacks grammatical control.
- Help Link