TOPIC: Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the technology era, the mobile phone has become ubiquitous, we can see electronic gadgets every individual hand, although children are also indulged in this line. Some people argue that palm gadgets harmful to juvenile life, whereas others believe that it is fruitful for them. Although in my opinion it is more ...
Total words: 459
- The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
- The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has THAT(11) AND(10) MOBILE(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 3 as start point.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 7>.
Excellent writing, but you can still refine it. For example, "It is rightly said" seems wordy, which is used twice in the original version.