IELTS General Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Why do some people who leave school early are more successful compared with those who complete their studies? Reasons why they are more successful and what is required to be successful?

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4200301
TOPIC: Why do some people who leave school early are more successful compared with those who complete their studies? Reasons why they are more successful and what is required to be successful?
Answer 1
Being successful is never easy; people need to face numerous challenges and obstacles before they achieve their goals. Some say that students who leave school at an earlier age are more successful compare to their peers who continue their studies, and one of the indicators is the achievements in their career. This ...
By Rachel, 2020-04-04  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 431
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(16) THEIR(14) SCHOOL(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 7.
Tutor Comment:
Band 7.5
Excellent essay in both logic and language. You may consider to decrease the "passive voice" and refine the structure. Besides, "Ka-Shing Li"' supports your point very well.
Answer 2
As some renowned businessmen like Bills Gates and Steven Jobs became the most successful figures in the world after they quitted from school, people discussed what roles academic qualifications play in the career. They gain their great achievements owing to their constant hardworking, clear career goals, and those are ...
By eva, 2020-03-11  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 281
AI Comment:
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(11) ARE(9) THEIR(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Goog reasoning, you may refine the structure better. Basically, "People who dropped from school are more successful" isn't a common rule.
Answer 3
People are divided into the opinion education is crucial in student life to become a successful person. Some people argue that those pupils gain success in early-stage who quit their studies rather than others who completed their academic study. I will not only elaborate on the reason but also share some views on which ...
By jarry, 2020-03-13  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
"More successful with less education" isn't a generic way for common people. Using famous guys as examples makes things easier. You may show your point at the beginning.
Answer 4
The definition of success varies as per the individuals and the societies; it is why the educational dropouts are ought to be in free fall of the career demise. However, quite a large number of worldwide personalities with zero degrees and a vast and un compared business empires worth as a GDP of a small country proves ...
By Guri, 2020-03-08  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 294
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
The essay's structure is good, but the reasoning has room to improve. Try to be more persuasive.