IELTS General Essay Answers

Test materials of writing task 2: Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4200307
TOPIC: Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that technology has changed the lives of individuals in numerous ways; the mobile phone is one of them. Some people argue that these gadgets hurt the social relationship, whereas others argue that it has become boon for folks. According to my perspective, I disagree with this notion. It is the onus of ...
By jarry, 2020-03-15  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 507
AI Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You had better rewrite the essay to 4 or 5 paragraphs.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(19) THEIR(10) PEOPLE(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 4 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Excellent job. You may try to shrink some wordy parts. Besides, new examples, like cell phones help connection in coronavirus time, will credit your writing.
Answer 2
Gone are the days when electronic gadgets were eminent among a few people. These days owing to globalization and modernization, they have become ubiquitous and renowned across the globe to its paramount importance. One field which is greatly affected by the advent of technology is the way to communicate between people. ...
By ramandeep, 2020-04-01  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 324
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 8.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6.5
Good essay, but has too many connection words. Try to link your essay by internal logic not just connection words or phrases.
Answer 3
These days mobile phones are used more than anything else. It has replaced almost all the gadgets in human life. Some people believe that social interactions are affected by this technology. However, I partially agree with the statement. In my opinion, mobile phone usage has both good and bad sides. In this essay, I ...
By Sarita, 2020-05-01  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 336
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has HAS(10) MOBILE(9) WITH(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 5.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Good essay. Following the IELTS writing format, but too academic. In these sort of topics, using personal examples is easier to impress raters.
Answer 4
In recent years, dramatically increased technology in mobile phones and cell phones, some people accept that face to face interaction between masses has ruined. I agree with the notion because they can talk as well as send messages through mobile phones. In this essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples ...
By Gurpreet singh, 2020-05-06  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 256
AI Comment:
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(9) CAN(9) WITH(6); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 6
Good essay, clear, persuasive, concise, and with few errors. You may consider adding one more point to support your view.
Answer 5
Technology has made a great leap these days and is used by everyone. Some people say that technology such as mobile phones is disturbing the social interaction between people. I completely agree with this view and think that mobile phones are a disruption in human lives.
First of all, I believe that mobile phones ...
By geet, 2020-03-12  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 254
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 5.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Good writing. You should focus on mobile phones and "social interaction". So, "ultraviolet rays" isn't as suitable as "cold marketing calls".
Answer 6
It is a fact that technology is vital to living in the cyber era. Therefore many people argue that modern technologies and devices like cellular phones are building barriers between social activities. Even though the techs make lives more convenient, I fully agree with the above statement, and I will discuss it in this ...
By daalex, 2020-03-16  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 279
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Both reasoning and structure have room to refine. Here "children" isn't a good example. The question is for generic people.
Answer 7
Nowadays, electronic gadgets such as mobile phone has become the necessities of daily lives. Whether such technology leads to social isolation is still under debate. In my opinion, I can see that using a mobile phone foster people's relationship between each other.
Well-developed social media platforms minimised ...
By Rachel, 2020-03-16  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 276
AI Comment:
  • The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Reasoning is good, "dating app" is an excellent example. You should have a second point to support and enhance the conclusion.
Answer 8
There's no denying the fact that the use of technology has become prevalent in the world today. Notably, the use of electronic gadgets like; mobile phones for our day to day communication. While some people perceive it is destroying the way we socialize with our loved ones, others disagree. In my opinion, I believe ...
By Nefertiti smith, 2020-03-18  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 328
AI Comment:
  • Paragraph 2 is relatively short, enrich it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(11) WITH(9) THEIR(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 3.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
You should give a clear view in the introduction, and restructure your reasoning. The essay seems wordy, there is a large room to refine.
Answer 9
Gone are the days when electronic gadgets like mobile phones were eminent among a few people. These days they have become ubiquitous, and almost all the individuals have one. Some people assert that cell phones are damaging social life; however, the rest averse it. I completely agree with this notion, and this essay ...
By Preet kaur, 2020-05-07  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 291
AI Comment:
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 2 as start point.
  • Obvious Grammar Errors: 2.
Tutor Comment:
Band 5.5
Language skills are ok, you can shrink wordy former part and enhance the latter part. However, the essay talks about children, not people. It changes the original questions.