TOPIC: Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries. To what extend do you agree and disagree?
Pocket money is claimed to be not only quite common for modern children but also extremely useful. However, not every person agree with this statement, and some believe they could misuse pocket money on harmful things like drug or alcohol. In my perspective, it could lead to both negative and positive aspects, but a ...
Total words: 322
- You had better rewrite the essay to 4 or 5 paragraphs.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(12) MONEY(10) WITH(8); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 3 as start point.
- Obvious Grammar Errors: 1>.
The structure and logic are good. But the original version has too many grammar and vocabulary errors, which cannot touch to Band 5.