IELTS General Writing Task 2

IELTS writing tasks' topics, answers, and comments.

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By Ms, 2019-01-16  
Band: NA (Total words: 351)
Comment:
  • The essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has AND(14) MONEY(12) THEIR(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
  • Suggest to use a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.
  • Suggest to refine coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
 IELTS General Writing Task 2 - Topic, Answer, and Comment
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

You should write at least 250 words.
Today, money is the fundamental need for people. Some people believe, that earning huge sum of money will be the reason of success and prosperity in this competitive globe. I partially agree with this statement as other factors also play important role in successful life.
To embark on, money has essential role in people' life and their better career to achieve their goal and success. It is needless to say, that victorious life requires certain factors, need to be accomplished and that will be requiring alot of money to spend on it. For instance, enterpreneur invest their enough money on their buisness to make it popular all over the globe and in turn they earn great sum of money and fame. Better career and highly qualified degrees need to get admission in competitive academies, which can be expensive and unaffordable for middle class men, but affluent person get this opportunity and al last earn huge amount of money. Hence, money is spent to have a luxurious life and to get top class qualification to become successfull in their field of work. Moreover, it is so common that big stars or entertainers who are highly paid, gain more popularity among their fans because of their incredible work.
While, no rose without thrones, can other factors be ignored? I believe, many proffessionals due to their dedicated job and efforts, are also well known in society instead of taking small amount of money from clients or others. For instance, lecturers and doctors are recognized mainly due to their unconditional struggle and intelligence but are not wealthy nation hence, money solely does not play an important role behind a successful person.
To conclude, successful life has few criterions which are essential such as money, struggle, self achievement, confudence and high intelligent quotient. Therefore, money makes people popular to some extent but other factors also important to become famous person in globe.