Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6055
Question:
Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Answer 1
Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars, but this admiration has its share of drawbacks...

Firstly, idolizing media and sports stars can distort young people's perceptions of success and achievement...

Secondly, focusing too much on celebrities can detract from the development of critical personal values and goals...

Moreover, idolizing media and sports stars can contribute to a culture of superficiality and materialism...

In conclusion, while it's natural for young people to admire media and sports stars, it's important to recognize the limitations of this admiration and maintain a critical perspective...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words27515054%
Top 300 Words115 (41%)41 (27%)35%
300 - 1000 Words47 (17%)22 (14%)46%
Over 1000 Words113 (41%)87 (58%)76%
Other Comments (zheelongchou)
Link Words: 29 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 143 characters; Words/Sentence: 21
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(20), can(8), young(7), people(6), stars(5), this(5), may(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.