Some people think that music plays an important role in society

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6065
Question:
Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Answer 1
It is irrefutable that music is an indispensable part of everyone's life; it starts our birth and continues till death...

Undoubtedly, music has played a vital role in society since ancient times. First and foremost, it is a way of adoring and spreading positivity in individual life...

On the other hand, some people ponder that it is only a way of entertaining people who like to listen to music during leisure time and feel calm and relaxed...

In my ideology, music is not the only way of entertainment; however, it is attached to people with each other with the help of warships...

To conclude, the meaning of music changes from time to time, but it is not the only means of entertainment...
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words42018343%
Top 300 Words238 (56%)60 (32%)25%
300 - 1000 Words75 (17%)42 (22%)56%
Over 1000 Words107 (25%)81 (44%)75%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 34 (including link phrase: 4)
Sentences: Number: 25; Average Length: 94 characters; Words/Sentence: 16
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(17), music(15), people(10), that(9), way(7), with(7), only(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.