Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2007
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
Sportsmen and women are inspirational idols of young kids. It's expected all over the world. I believe youngsters take examples from them on clothing style, sports skills, or success stories...

Their persistence and perseverance are an incentive for young people. When children observe some people around them who attain big successes, they get thrilled and fall into the desire for such resounding targets...

One of the positive aspects of professional athletes' influence is that they not only provide insight and incentive for those who wish to become a sportsperson, but also they exhibit massive successes on account of at least that big efforts and hard work for other children who intend to be successful engineers, doctors or business people...

To sum up, professional and successful sportspeople constitute a large part of children's inspiration, and their perseverance and hard work help their little admirers try and take the initiative to become like them...
Band: 6.5
View full answer
View comments
Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words27214954%
Top 300 Words148 (54%)62 (41%)41%
300 - 1000 Words38 (13%)25 (16%)65%
Over 1000 Words86 (31%)62 (41%)72%
Other Comments (elruzrehimli)
Link Words: 23 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 15; Average Length: 112 characters; Words/Sentence: 18
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(15), their(7), they(7), them(4), athletes(4), for(4), people(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Answer 2
People everywhere like watching sports. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries, and some even have fans worldwide...

Top athletes get the attention of young people. Most children and teenagers like to follow professional sports...

However, professional athletes are not always good role models. For one thing, when young athletes reach a level of fame, it comes with media attention, large financial benefits, and social attention...

Athletes are held lofty in society due to their popularity and wealth. These attributes are what make people want to look up to them and model various facets of their lives along with those of the athletes...
Band: 6.5
View full answer
View comments