Nowadays, a growing amount of advertising is aimed at children

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6087
Question:
Nowadays, a growing amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this has negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
I agree that ads aimed at children should be banned. Children are a vulnerable demographic susceptible to advertisers' persuasive tactics, and therefore, they require protection from advertising that may exploit their limited understanding...

Firstly, ads aimed at children often promote unhealthy products such as sugary snacks, fast food, and sugary beverages, contributing to poor dietary habits, obesity, and related health issues...

Moreover, ads aimed at children can contribute to dissatisfaction with one's appearance and possessions...

Furthermore, ads aimed at children can interfere with their cognitive development and ability to distinguish between commercial messages and factual information...

In conclusion, ads aimed at children should be banned due to their negative impact on children's health, well-being, and consumer behavior...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words31516753%
Top 300 Words130 (41%)37 (22%)28%
300 - 1000 Words33 (10%)24 (14%)72%
Over 1000 Words152 (48%)106 (63%)69%
Other Comments (longmanwein)
Link Words: 32 (including link phrase: 3)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 170 characters; Words/Sentence: 24
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(22), children(13), aimed(6), may(5), can(5), their(4), advertising(3); try to decrease duplicated words.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.