Nowadays, some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people rather than their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6088
Question:
Nowadays, some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?
Answer Hints:
Positive or negative question. You can choose either side to write.

Positive
  • Socialized organizations can offer more scientific senior services, like food and health management.
  • Easy to build connections among the same ages to play games or share thoughts.
  • Avoid generation conflicts that are often in a big family.
Negative
  • Retirement communities cannot offer personalized service per individual requirement.
  • Lack of family atmosphere and communications with children and grandchildren.
  • Not good for seniors to understand new things about society.
Answer 1
As people grow older, they need more professional treatment and careful caring, which their adult kids may not offer. So some of them go to retirement communities or hospitals. I believe this phenomenon brings more merits than demerits to both older people and their children.
Undoubtedly, sending seniors to ...
By Jim Cater, 2021-09-26  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 281
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt, but the content should balance the views of both older people and their children.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation, but needs stronger vocabulary skills for a higher band.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a fair degree of accuracy.