Some people say traveling abroad is necessary to learn about other countries

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6860
Question:
Some people say traveling abroad is necessary to learn about other countries. In contrast, others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer 1
There is a common belief that if people want to expand their knowledge of other countries, it is vital to visit them...

Internet connection is highly effective for enhancing comprehension in different countries. For instance, social platforms create a new opportunity for people to connect online...

In addition to social networking, creative TV shows and news automatically make people aware of the world...

On the other hand, if traveling is affordable, then one should undoubtedly witness the places lively...

Although it is hard to decide which way is better to get new knowledge about foreign countries, I believe that the Internet connection and TV are sufficient tools to widen the horizon about the globe...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words28214952%
Top 300 Words138 (48%)47 (31%)34%
300 - 1000 Words44 (15%)34 (22%)77%
Over 1000 Words100 (35%)68 (45%)68%
Other Comments (tima)
Link Words: 19 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 15; Average Length: 115 characters; Words/Sentence: 18
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The introduction seems long, refine sentences.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(10), about(8), for(6), new(6), that(4), people(4), their(3); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Task Response:
-You should present views from two sides of the question. The essay needs to balance the sides' views.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Some paragraphs are relatively short due to a lack of development of ideas.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.