Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views.

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7043
Question:
Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer Hints:
Discuss views of both sides.

The first view: may make mistakes
  • Knows the serious consequences;
  • Is more cautious in the future;
  • Encourage children to try different choices;
  • Build the ability to innovate in the future;
  • Improve decision-making ability;
The second view: avoid making mistakes
  • Let children abide by the rules;
  • Be better adapt to society;
  • Avoid accidents due to cautiousness;
  • Avoid the waste of time and money;
  • Help children grow up smoothly;
Answer 1
There are different attitudes toward making mistakes. Whether parents should give children sufficient freedom to make mistakes has been a hot topic...

Firstly, the opposing side of the debate is constantly arguing that preventing children from making mistakes will shape them to be more self-disciplined...

Controversially, people also argue that parents should allow children to make some mistakes so that children can be more self-esteemed, which is the point that I tend to believe...

In conclusion, allowing and discouraging children from making mistakes could benefit their development...
Band: 6.5
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Answer 2
There is a belief that adolescents can be allowed to learn from mistakes, while others believe that adults should be prevented from doing something wrong...

On the one hand, there are reasons why some people place a high emphasis on parents deterring teenagers from making errors...

While the above statement is plausible, I agree that juveniles deserve the freedom to experience setbacks...

From what has been discussed above, I conclude that parents should allow their offspring the freedom to learn from mistakes...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words25114256%
Top 300 Words128 (50%)46 (32%)35%
300 - 1000 Words38 (15%)30 (21%)78%
Over 1000 Words85 (33%)66 (46%)77%
Other Comments (henryhe)
Link Words: 6 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 10; Average Length: 156 characters; Words/Sentence: 25
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-You can improve coherence and cohesion by sharpening sentences and paragraphs with accurate linking words.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed and don't discuss the two sides in a balanced way.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generally arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression, but the conclusion is relatively short due to a lack of development of ideas.
Lexical Resources:
-Vocabulary is the strongest aspect of the response; substitution is usually good, although there is some repetition.