In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You can choose either agree or disagree to write, but "agree" or partial "agree" should be easier to answer.
- Government should be held accountable for health issues, including Children's health.
- Children's health problems will finally impact social development.
- Children's health problems are mainly related to food, the government can regulate food business behavior.
- Society needs to drop some unhealthy conventions, especially in food or eating.
- Parents should encourage children to exercise outdoor, manage menus in scientific ways in order to prevent overweight.
In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. The trend has been even worse in recent years. Some people believe that governments are liable to resolve this issue. I agree with them to some extent. In my opinion, this situation is the responsibility of the government, society, and individuals ...
Total words: 282
Band: 7.5The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-This is a well-organized essay, presenting your ideas, developing these ideas effectively throughout the response.Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice. A few sentences are wordy.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.