Many people today put personal information online for the needs of daily lives (e.g., shopping, banking, and social network). Is it a positive or negative development?

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7064
Question:
Many people today put personal information online for the needs of daily lives (e.g., shopping, banking, and social network). Is it a positive or negative development?
Answer Hints:
You can choose either "positive" or "negative" as your answer. The topic is the balance between convenience and privacy.

Positive
  • Shopping or other online activities are convenient.
  • Improve performances of online transactions.
  • Help businesses analyze customers and offer better services.
Negative
  • Hackers may steal personal information online.
  • Your vendors may sell your personal information.
  • Privacy leakage may disturb your life and cause big losses.
Answer 1
Now people have become increasingly dependent on the Internet, and they are willing to put their private information online to assist their everyday communication. Though there will be a few drawbacks, I would contend it is positive progress.
On the one hand, there are various benefits of exposing private ...
By Magi Gates, 2022-03-06  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Band: 7
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-Main ideas are relevant, but some would benefit from further development of the third paragraph; the essay topic is the balance between convenience and privacy.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few choosing errors, e.g., you use "infringe" three times.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences and good control over grammar and punctuation.