Question: Some people think there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
Answer Hints: The question isn't about business vs. history. Its key is 'more benefits to society if more people study business than history.' So it's easier to agree with the statement. But you need to mention history is still important.
Points for business
Business is the main element of society; new things come every day.
Business is reshaping the current lifestyle, having great expectations.
Business activities need more and more people to participate.
The competition in business fields is pushing society's development.
For individuals, business knowledge is better for the job market.
Points for history
History is an important social science to summarize experiences.
History knowledge helps plan and build today and tomorrow.
Compared with business, we don't need many people to study history.
Some argue that studying business is more advantageous for society than studying history. I partially agree with this statement because business knowledge is one of the main engines to promote social development. It brings more jobs, income, services, and modern lifestyles. However, history is a mirror of the future. ...
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version. Task Response: -Get the question about 'more benefits' and 'more people', and give a perfect answer;the main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok. Coherence and Cohesion: -Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices. Lexical Resources: -There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally. Grammar Range and Accuracy: -Grammar and punctuation are well controlled.