Some people think there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7097
Question:
Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
The question isn't about business vs. history. Its key is 'more benefits to society if more people study business than history.' So it's easier to agree with the statement. But you need to mention history is still important.

Points for business
  • Business is the main element of society; new things come every day.
  • Business is reshaping the current lifestyle, having great expectations.
  • Business activities need more and more people to participate.
  • The competition in business fields is pushing society's development.
  • For individuals, business knowledge is better for the job market.
Points for history
  • History is an important social science to summarize experiences.
  • History knowledge helps plan and build today and tomorrow.
  • Compared with business, we don't need many people to study history.
Answer 1
Some argue that studying business is more advantageous for society than studying history. I partially agree with this statement because business knowledge is one of the main engines to promote social development...

Business impacts us everywhere and every moment in the current world. Business knowledge is crucial for the country's economic development...

Business knowledge can reshape nowadays, but historical knowledge can tell the future. So, one cannot refuse the importance of studying history...

In conclusion, studying business is more valuable than studying history because business activity may benefit a country's development...
Band: 7.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words34917349%
Top 300 Words152 (43%)61 (35%)40%
300 - 1000 Words86 (24%)35 (20%)40%
Over 1000 Words111 (31%)77 (44%)69%
Other Comments (blackbale)
Link Words: 29 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 24; Average Length: 93 characters; Words/Sentence: 14
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has business(17), and(12), history(11), more(9), studying(7), knowledge(7), people(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-Get the question about 'more benefits' and 'more people,' and give a perfect answer; the main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a precise central topic, which is developed, and cohesive devices are effectively used.
Lexical Resources:
-A wide range of vocabulary is used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammar and punctuation are well controlled.