Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7106
Question:
Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
Most people will agree with the statement. The key to the topic is the relationship between a 4-week vacation and better work.

Pros
  • Good rest helps employees stay in good shape both physically and spiritually.
  • 4-week vacation gives employees the flexibility to arrange personal activities.
  • Some activities in rest time, like learning new things, will help employees' work and promotion.
  • A better holiday policy encourages employees to stick longer with the company.
Cons
  • The employers may need to hire more hands or pay more money.
  • The employees may get less salary with more holidays.
Answer 1
The debate over the importance of employee vacation time is a contentious one. Some people argue that employers should give their staff at least four weeks' holiday a year to make employees better at their work...

Four weeks a year isn't much. Taking a fair break from work is crucial for maintaining mental and physical well-being, ultimately leading to greater productivity and employee satisfaction...

Moreover, providing employees with adequate vacation time is an investment in their long-term success...

It is also important to note the benefits of vacation time to communities. Employees who take vacations are more likely to travel, spend money, and support local businesses...

In conclusion, employers should provide their staff with as long as four weeks of vacation each year...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words25612548%
Top 300 Words120 (46%)43 (34%)35%
300 - 1000 Words31 (12%)24 (19%)77%
Over 1000 Words105 (41%)58 (46%)55%
Other Comments (wujunydoors)
Link Words: 24 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 16; Average Length: 103 characters; Words/Sentence: 16
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(11), their(8), employees(7), employers(6), with(5), vacation(4), time(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-Only partially address the prompt; the answer is a little off the question: at least four weeks. It's just for a generic vacation topic.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-It is a good response that would get an even higher score if there was more focus on 'four weeks' or 'long vacation.'
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, although there are a few choice errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.