Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try my essay.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7106
Question:
Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
Most people will agree with the statement. The key to the topic is the relationship between a 4-week vacation and better work.

Pros
  • Good rest helps employees stay in good shape both physically and spiritually.
  • 4-week vacation gives employees the flexibility to arrange personal activities.
  • Some activities in rest time, like learning new things, will help employees' work and promotion.
  • A better holiday policy encourages employees to stick longer with the company.
Cons
  • The employers may need to hire more hands or pay more money.
  • The employees may get less salary with more holidays.
Answer 1
The debate over the importance of employee vacation time is a contentious one. Some people argue that employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. I agree with it.
Four weeks a year isn't much. This is because taking a fair break from work is crucial ...
By Wujuny Doors, 2023-04-13  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 256
Band: 6
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-Only partially address the prompt, The answer is a little off the question: at least four weeks. It's just for a generic vacation topic..
Coherence and Cohesion:
-It is a good response that would achieve an even higher score if there was more focus on 'four weeks' or 'long vacation'.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few choice errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.