Many people fail to achieve a balance between work and the other parts of life. What causes the situation? How to overcome this problem?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try my essay.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7116
Question:
Many people fail to achieve a balance between work and the other parts of life. What causes the situation? How to overcome this problem?
Answer Hints:
The answer should have two parts: causes and solutions. The other parts of life can be learning, travel, family activity, or any hobby. You may mention one or two in the essay. Your causes and solutions should have connections, and it would help if you had your own example in either part.

Causes
  • Desire to be successful, economic and living pressures.
  • Competition in peers.
  • Poor time management.
  • Hard work and long work culture in the lousy enterprise.
  • Teammates are so close that there are no boundaries in or out of work.
  • Instant tools can touch employees anytime.
Solutions
  • Promote the correct view to balance work and life, e.g., health and family are at least as important as work.
  • Set up career plans according to your own condition and pace.
  • Study new skills and technology to improve time management.
  • Develop a humanized enterprise culture to limit work in its place and time.
Answer 1
Achieving a balance between work and other aspects of life can be challenging for many people for various reasons. In the essay, I will present some obvious causes and discuss how to handle this puzzle.
The first is economic and living pressures. Societal and workplace expectations often create stress for ...
By Rick Lee, 2023-11-18  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 308
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed. The solution part is weak; the essay's structure isn't balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generally arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.