Some people think that life's success is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe there are more important factors, such as having money.

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7132
Question:
Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer Hints:
The prompt requires you to discuss both views. But it's not a debate that can be balanced. You should know that political correctness is also part of the IELTS essay. So you should support 'hard work' in the conclusion.

Hard work
  • Achievement due to hard work.
  • Diligence and determination are essential to succeed.
  • Chances are from effort.
  • Hard work is a journey of striving towards one's aspirations.
Money and other chances
  • Financial resources - higher start points
  • Physical appearances - more opportunities
  • Extra luck or help - faster growth
Answer 1
Some people think that life's success is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance...

Advocates of hard work argue that diligence, determination, and resilience are the cornerstones of achievement...

Conversely, others contend that success is contingent on multiple factors, such as financial resources and physical appearance...

In conclusion, the pursuit of success is a dynamic and multifaceted journey influenced by a myriad of factors, each playing a distinct role in shaping the outcomes of individuals and society as a whole...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words28716156%
Top 300 Words129 (44%)41 (25%)31%
300 - 1000 Words43 (14%)30 (18%)69%
Over 1000 Words115 (40%)90 (55%)78%
Other Comments (pandaking)
Link Words: 26 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 148 characters; Words/Sentence: 22
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is wordy, try to simplify it.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.