Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games damages society

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #2039
Question:
Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games damages society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?
Answer 1
These days, the amount of violence in media is growing. While some argue that this trend will undoubtedly lead humans to a dangerous future, others claim that it does not harm society...

Firstly, I think people act on their motives, regardless of what they see on television. That is to say, if someone intends to harm somebody, it is not because of watching TV or playing computer games but because of their character and education...

Moreover, video games and television may even reduce social violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness...

Finally, despite many claims and assumptions about the adverse effects of television and computer games, I have never seen any proven connection between violent media and illegal activities in social life...

Taking everything into consideration, I would say that violence in contemporary media has no substantial influence on people's behavior...
Band: 6.5
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Answer 2
Today, television, social media, and video games significantly impact daily life. Some people contend that electronic media and violence in games have no negative on individual behavior, while I disagree with this contention because these things have influenced society's behavior...

To begin with, the television shows that people watch these days, like reality games and wrestling, and children who are more fond of these shows can easily be influenced and try to imitate them, which could result in severe injury...

The solution to this problem is diverting children's attention from these shows and video games to healthy activities...

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that it is the parents and the government's responsibility to develop a child's behavior by providing facilities related to sports...
Band: 5.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words22912755%
Top 300 Words121 (52%)48 (37%)39%
300 - 1000 Words31 (13%)21 (16%)67%
Over 1000 Words77 (33%)58 (45%)75%
Other Comments (razated)
Link Words: 22 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 10; Average Length: 149 characters; Words/Sentence: 22
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.