A family greatly influences children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's lives

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6095
A family greatly influences children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
A child's life largely depends on the family and environment in which the newborn is brought up. While families play an unarguably vital role in inspiring children, I firmly agree with those who argue that the outside world greatly influences their development...

Firstly, due to modernization, peripheral factors like media continue contributing to children's decisions...

Secondly, children are highly interested in becoming the center of attraction of their social circle, even when it means stirring the core principles taught by their parents...

In conclusion, while families teach core ethics and principles to children, with technological enhancements, the judgments children evaluate these days are greatly based on what they learn from the outside world...
Band: 7
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Answer 2
The development of children depends on multiple factors. Family and society are the key players in forming the character of kids...

Firstly, the family is the primary institute for socialization, learning, and development. The blueprint of a child's character is designed during babyhood and early childhood because they spend more time with parents and siblings during this duration...

Secondly, time spent with the family will be reduced when he moves to the period of childhood. Influence of peer groups, other people like teachers, and relatives may start in this stage, so he will try to adopt several traits from the people they meet regularly...

Finally, if we take intellectual development, that expands when children join the system for education...

In conclusion, the family is the institution that designs the plan for the development. However, the implementation level is more critical because structural changes can happen due to external and internal factors...
Band: 6.5
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Answer 3
Family plays a prominent role in an individual's life, especially children, as values learned during the growing age will prove beneficial at later stages of life...

To commence with, there are various factors which lead to influencing the young generation. There are numerous skills and experiences that a child learns while communicating with people other than family members...

Furthermore, apart from social networking, educational institutions and teachers in direct contact with the children after the family play an indispensable part...

To conclude, although family influences a child, progress can be accelerated if the child implements the same in the outside world to become successful...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words25614556%
Top 300 Words125 (48%)42 (28%)33%
300 - 1000 Words50 (19%)35 (24%)70%
Over 1000 Words81 (31%)68 (46%)83%
Other Comments (kirankaur)
Link Words: 24 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 13; Average Length: 128 characters; Words/Sentence: 19
IELTS Essay Format:
-The introduction seems long, refine sentences.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-A wide range of vocabulary is used appropriately and naturally.