A family has a great influence on children's development, but the ...

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer: A family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. To what extent to you agree or disagee?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #6095
Question:
A family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. To what extent to you agree or disagee?
Answer 1
A child's life largely depends on the family and environment where the newborn is brought up in. While families play an unarguably vital role in inspiring children, I would firmly incline with the people who argue that the outside world greatly influences their development. There are manifold reasons for the former ...
By Manali, 2021-06-14  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 320
Band: 7
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-This is a well-organized essay, presenting your ideas, and developing them effectively throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices. But a few sentences are wordy.
Lexical Resources:
-There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.
Answer 2
Family plays a prominent role in an individual's life, especially children, as values learned during the growing age will prove beneficial at later stages of life. Though family impacts the lives of children in a great way, the outside world also plays a crucial part in the overall development. I opine that the notion ...
By Kiran kaur, 2021-06-10  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 283
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although a few sentences too long, they rarely reduce communication.
Answer 3
The development of children depends on multiple factors family and society are the key players in forming the character of kids. However, society is more influential in designing the development chart of children. I fully agree with this statement; I would like to bring major points favoring this statement in this ...
By Sinoj Xavier, 2021-06-08  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 333
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-Ideas are usually expressed fully, but they sometimes need more support.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-A range of cohesive devices is used flexibly, while each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately, but there are a few grammatical errors, such as article (a, an, the).